Time for something light-hearted: Auditor Jokes!

Normally I write mostly content pieces on audit, risk and compliance. But now that we've been working mostly from home for over a year and therefore missing even the faintest of jokes from that one colleague, I thought it was time for a lighter topic. 

If you type into Google the search words "auditor" and "t-shirt," you will soon find a t-shirt with the text on the front: "Did you hear the joke about the interesting auditor?" And on the back, "Me neither." But apparently the auditing profession is worth publishing several booklets of Auditor Jokes about it after all. I found two such booklets on the Internet. Before I knew it, I hit the order button and within days they were on my doorstep. After opening the package, seeing the subtitles like "The Ultimate Collection of..." and "The best ever..." made my mouth water in anticipation. So I plunged into this light-hearted 'literature' that very night. Expectantly. But it turned out differently.

The jokes in the booklets turned out not to be about a broad and strategic thinking auditor, but rather one with a limited focus on finance. And then on a very old-fashioned type of auditor. One of those who is especially lonely without his calculator, does not get to know people and is unworldly. 

"You might well be an auditor if you have no idea that GAP is also a clothing brand."

It also labels that auditor as someone who likes to drink on other people's bills and has mildly autistic character traits. Speaking of the link to autism, I can still remember in the very first Word version (oy, now I feel really old) of Word, when typing in the word "auditor," I got the suggestion "autistic.

"How can you drive an auditor crazy? Stand in front of him and fold up a road map in the wrong way."

Still, I read on, curious to see what else the books had to offer. Raw and crude, it became mostly that. After all, a drowning auditor should not be rescued, but thrown a rock. Most of the jokes are imbued with a deep distaste for the auditor. Auditors put salt on every bone, have no humor and look at exactly what you don't care about. So does an auditor really evoke so much hatred from his audience?

"Why do people take an instant dislike to auditors?...To save time later."

"I wanted to give my auditor something nice, so I bought him a new chair. He won't let me plug it in though."

In any case, all the firm statements make me extra aware that I like to stick to my audit own attitude. An attitude in which I always try to start from the management approach, where I also want to appreciate the positive and listen as much as possible. Booklets and statements like these at least keep you on your toes. 

Of course, we know that there has long been no one type of auditor. With the enormous variation in audit objects and questions, there is naturally (and thankfully) an increasingly diverse group of auditors. Just look at the characteristics of all the trainees who left the ARC Talent Program in recent years and stormed the audit market: creative, innovative, communicative and with guts. A very different wind has been blowing in audit country for a long time. Just before Corona moved in, we organized another very interesting knowledge session at ARC People, where participants scored themselves on the Management Drives beforehand. It turned out that all 25 attendees with final responsibility for an audit function scored very differently. Far from just blue profiles, with a preference for certainty and clarity.

Gladly I would have told you that it is worthwhile to come and read through the two Auditor Jokes booklets at our office, but unfortunately that is not the case. In fact, the jokes I have quoted in this article are of the highest level in the booklets. Okay then, three more "bouncers," to prove it. 

"If an auditor's wife is finding it hard to sleep, what does she say? ... Honey, could you explain your work to me?"

"Never meet your auditees on Wednesdays, as it can spoil two of their weekends."

"The audit team is having dinner together, in a restaurant. The waiter comes over to the table and asks them: Is anything allright?"

Of course you are still welcome at our beautiful office in Hilversum, but then perhaps for a good conversation about professional developments, the market and/or the opportunities therein? Or maybe you have a good joke of your own? Do not hesitate!

Sander van Oosten
Partner ARC People

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